So I was taking some trash out at work Friday,(ok, playing Frisbee) and I ran into this thing called a sweeper, at my work. I guess it picks up leaves and grass. Well there are these two black metal boxes on the front (that ironically hold first aid kits) and I ran strait into one of those and ripped a fatty ass chunk of skin open on my shin. I thought I just hit it really hard and bruised it. It was dark (that's why I didn't even see the sweeper corner) and after falling over, I put my hand on it to put pressure on it, just like anyone would do if the got hit by something and my hand made like a squishy splat sound, haha! Turns out I had a cut deep enough that I could touch the bone! It was pretty sweet. I tapped on the bone to see if it actually was my bone. yep. Hey shut up you'd have done it too so don't even try to lie. So I go to E.R. and wait for 4 hours before getting helped. Typical E.R. stuff. A little while after a nurse comes in, puts an empty tin under my leg, then she fills this other tin up with some kind of cold, light blue liquid. Then she gets this big-ass syringe and fills it up with the blue liquid that is cold as shit, and starts spraying it into my cut. It was cold and kinda ticklish. She did that about 20 times. I asked her how she likes my cut and said she's probably seen all kinds of stuff. We small talk about her tattoos. They are her son's names. After she cleans my cut, she puts a temporary bandage, and leaves. An hour goes by, and the two 5mg vicodin they give me does absolutely nothing for the hour I sit there before a doctor comes in. Lucky for me for some reason this injury doesn't hurt at all. It's weird, it didn't even hurt when I just got it, or even 20 minutes after I got it. It is literally the most painless injury I have ever had, yet the most severe injury I've ever had... aside from stepping on a nail and having it go all the way through my foot one time when I was stomping siding shingles against a tree for firewood in the middle of the night camping one weekend a few years ago. Anyways a Doctor comes in with this seemingly 18 year old kid. I'm thinking this kid is about to put stitches in my leg and I'm like "bring it on kid, lets see what you GOT!" but no. The doctor pulls out one of those needles in the movies thats like 4 feet long and flicks the end of it as he looks at my poker face. He says this is gonna sting a little, and I look down at my gaping wide cut like, "huh?" He pokes it in about 8 or 9 different places and squeezes the liquid in. A few minutes later, I'm touching my leg and it literally feels like a plank of flesh. Like I could go at it with a machete and it wouldn't even matter. I actually imagined going at it with a machete for some dumb reason. My brain is a silly thing like that. Well about 20 minutes later, doc comes back in, and he starts stitchin me up. He's showing the kid how it's done and what you should and shouldn't do. I ask him what he thinks of my sweet cut and he looks at me with a silly smirk and says "hey bud, your leg is still attached." and that was the end of that one, haha. He was a funny guy. I got the impression he was in the service at one time. He was very serious and efficient. He kept repeating everything I said, when I wasn't talking to anyone in general. Like I would say, man my leg now just feels like a chunk of flesh, and he'd say "you leg just feeeeeeells like a chunk of flesh, don't it?" I think it's his way of coping with patients who are all loopy on drugs. I started to think about how when I went with my dad to E.R. once after he cracked a rib slipping on some ice at work, they gave him a shot of Demerol and he started giggling and talking about his high school days. My dad NEVER talks about his childhood.
Fast forward to the follow up appointment on the following Monday. I tell the doc my fingers hurt really bad, and she gives me some Tylenol 3's with codeine. Just as useless as the Vicodin I got from the ER. I don't know what it is man, I can't take that stuff, it just makes me horribly SICK, even if I eat food with them. Doc even gave me some Ondansetron which supposedly makes nausea and upset stomach not happen when taking muscle relaxers. They also do absolutely nothing. Luckily this injury doesn't hurt at all. Follow-up doc says I can't run, drive, crawl, kneel, climb, jump, or anything. So for me, I have a week off of work! Wooooooooo!! My follow-up-follow-up appointment is today. Then I have the next two days off, and of those two days, one of them is my birthday. Damn, I'm getting old, this sucks.
And now for a completely unrelated image.
